You may have heard about self-compassion? What does self-compassion look like as a Highly Sensitive Person or HSP?
According to Dr. Elaine Aron, 15-20 % of the population is born with the temperament she deemed “highly sensitive.” If you are not sure what that means or what it means to be a highly sensitive person, then start here. Are you a highly sensitive person?
Even without explaining or learning more about what it means to be a highly sensitive person, just by doing that math, it becomes evident that about 80% of the population is not highly sensitive. If this is the case, then we most likely don’t know that many people who are highly sensitive and/or we are surrounded by people who are not like us.
It is human to compare ourselves to others, what they are doing, what they are wearing, how they react, what they enjoy as a gauge as to how we are doing in life. The problem for us as HSP’s is that we will never “measure up.” To the other 80%. The world is created for those of us that are not HSP’s, what is considered “fun” has not been designed by an HSP, so comparison is a losing game. If you want to learn more about having fun as an HSP, check out my blog.
You will never measure up to a non-HSP because you are different. It is time to develop self-compassion as a highly sensitive person.
When we don’t measure up to those around us, we can feel isolated, alone, and just not enough. When we feel different and alone, it is easy to lack self-compassion. Instead, our inner dialogue can sound like:
“What is wrong with me, why can’t I just do___.”
“Why don’t I like to go to ____ like the rest of my friends?”
“I will never be successful; I just don’t fit in.”
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? If they do, I am here to tell you that you are not alone! And it is time to start the process of accepting and loving yourself as you are. Know that you were born an HSP, and if you are spiritual (which lots of us are), then you may believe that there are no coincidences. The world needs you and your uniqueness. The gifts you bring to the world are not available from anyone else in the way that you bring them.
You may be wondering how you can begin the process of accepting and loving yourself, which is essential to self-compassion. I have some steps to help you with that process. What does self-compassion look like for a highly sensitive person?
- Accept that you were made an HSP on purpose. You were born with this temperament. Dr. Aron found this temperament across species. If nature has created you, there is a reason. You are needed in the world. Your role is vital.
- Recognize what makes you unique and/or that you love about yourself. You know there are some things about your temperament that make you unique. To put you on the right track, I will say you most likely feel things deeply and can listen deeply to others. Just being able to provide true, deep listening is a gift to this world! It is definitely a gift to the person. Write out somethings about yourself that you like.
- Ask others. If you have trouble finding things that you like about yourself, or what makes you unique, it is time to ask your loved ones. Pick two people that you have a close relationship with and ask them, “What do you see that makes me unique?”
- Now that you have a list, it is time to use it. I am going to recommend that you read this list every day, if possible, more than once a day. The ideal times are first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. I want you to read the list and really feel what you are reading.
- Allow your own unique fun. A bonus step would be for you to pick one thing that you enjoy, that you find “fun” in a Highly sensitive person way and allow yourself to do it. This may be merely being alone with tea and a book. It may be watching a genre of movie that not many around you like, or it may be going out to nature. These are just some examples to get you started! Just because you may not find loud, crowded places fun (or may only find them enjoyment for a short period of time) does not mean there is something wrong with you. Practice self-compassion by doing what you really want to do!
I would love to hear how taking these steps have helped. Remember that you were born an HSP, you were made this way on purpose. The world needs you, and to fully be in the world, you must own your uniqueness and the gifts you bring to the world.
If you are a Highly Sensitive person or empath and are not sure how to navigate the world so you can thrive, click here to apply for a complimentary 30-minute clarity session.